031 | Goldenrod City | Audio;

[usedlaserbeam]

[So it was always a given that one day Yagyuu's texting-under-the-counter-while-at-work-to-alleviate-the-boredom habits were going to get him in trouble one day, and apparently that day is today; in his haste to pocket his Gear and address the latest trainer to enter the Goldenrod Pokemon Center and approach the front desk, he accidentally hits the audio record button instead of the power switch.

And thus, the network is treated to the rare opportunity to eavesdrop on precisely the kind of inanity Yagyuu regularly deals with at work.]

Hey, uh...hi. Hi, there.

Hello. Welcome to the Goldenrod Pokemon Center; may I ask how we might assist you today?

Yeah! It's my rare Pokemon. I think there's something wrong with her, 'cause she keeps going out.

...I beg your pardon. Your rare — you mean your Oddish.

Hey, not just any Oddish! She's one of a kind! Uh, when she stays lit.

When she stays...lit.

Right! She's a super rare Grass/Fire type! That's why I think there's something wrong. You know Charmanders will die if their tail flame goes out? I think maybe that's like what's wrong with her, is like...her flame keeps going out, and that's why she looks all. Fainted and stuff. Can you guys help her?

[There is a pronounced, prolonged beat of silence here, during which Yagyuu is probably trying very hard to hold his expression steady.]

...Yes, of course. If you'll oblige me, I'll simply need to ask you a few further questions. It's standard procedure for all arriving cases, you understand. Ah, how precisely did your Oddish come to...be a Grass/Fire type? Did you find her that way, or...?

Oh, no. I did it myself!

You did it yourself.

Yeah, with a lighter. Y'know, 'cause Fire types are on fire. Like a Ponyta, how it's got its mane all on fire, or like a Charizard with its tail on fire, or a Cyndaquil with its back on fire. She's a Grass/Fire type, so I made her leaves on fire.

With a lighter.

Right.

And then it...fainted.

After the flames went out, right.

[Another, far more incredulous beat passes here, because seriously there is not enough WHAT THE HELL in the world.]

...Yes, thank you, that's precisely what I needed to know, I appreciate it.

Great! So can you help her?

Rest assured, you've told me exactly what I needed to hear to ascertain how best to help her. If you'll just be so kind as to have a seat right over there in our waiting room, I'll have Nurse Joy see to your...highly rare Oddish as soon as possible.

Oh, wow! Thanks, man! You got it, I'll be right over here.

[A set of footsteps shuffle across linoleum, and there is a brief whimper of Diiiiish as what is presumably Yagyuu's share of movement begins to rustle fabric near the microphone of the Gear. Shortly thereafter, a sotto voce mutter follows.]

Likewise, I imagine we'll be having Officer Jenny see to you as soon as possible...

[Some more shuffling ensues, and then at last the shifting and movement is enough to jostle the Gear off.]


[OOC: A few notes for this post: Italics are a hapless NPC trainer (or Rocket?), regular text is Yagyuu. He'll be answering replies a little while after this post, since he's understandably busy right now. Also, please note the cut warning! There are no graphic descriptions of anything, but if discussion of and references to an NPC trainer carelessly being an asshole to his Pokemon is discomforting to you, please play it safe and pass this post by! Likewise, if there are serious concerns, please take it up with me by PM and I'll pull the post altogether, no problem.]

Comments

[audio]

[captainash]

[That... probably wasn't meant to be broadcast, but. What.]

...Who the hell would allow anyone that insave to be anywhere near a living creature, much less train one?

[audio]

[usedlaserbeam]

[...You know what, it wasn't supposed to broadcast, but with the way his day is going right now, ask him if he really has a damn left to give here.]

Johto, evidently. Admittedly, that was one of the more...ah, egregious cases of obfuscating ignorance we've gotten in some time, though it's regrettably not the only one.

[audio]

[captainash]

Not the only- A part of me wants to know, but the rest wants to drink the last ten minutes out of my mind.

[The part being slowly driven to alcoholism is currently winning.]

[audio]

[usedlaserbeam]

[Sir, were he not sixteen, he would've started hitting the bottle long before now. He is with you on that.]

One of my regulars frequently comes in to regale me with questionable descriptions of his girlfriend's nature and exploits, if that gives you some frame of reference for what an average day is like here.

[audio]

[captainash]

[Bah, age restrictions. They mean little, faced with this.]

Tell her about that, if you ever meet the lady. Her reaction should be enough to shut him up permanently. Bet not all of them would be that easy, though.

[tendered]

Are people really... [ Her voice trails off. The next time she speaks up, her voice slightly cracks before she continues. ] that cruel with their pokémon? Is having the advantage really worth risking a life to some of them...? [ It makes her really sick. Pokémon are friends! Not tools! ]

[usedlaserbeam]

I don't think it's a matter of cruelty so much as simply obfuscating ignorance, really. He didn't seem particularly ill-intentioned, just...utterly oblivious.

[tendered]

How can people be that oblivious then...? And still be allowed to take care of other beings? [ She's just weirded out at this moment. ]

[usedlaserbeam]

I don't recall any sort of standard to meet or inspection to pass upon arriving here in Johto, do you? Given the nature of this place, I hardly think being 'allowed' has anything to do with it.

[tendered]

That's right... [ Momo's voice trails off. She sounds kinda hurt by this revelation. ]

I still can't believe there's no one powerful enough to confiscate pokémon. I wish there was a right to revoke a pokémon license, since you do need to be registered. That and a more efficient police force.

audio;

[timelymaid]

My word! That was certainly a feat of illogic.

No wonder Sollux complains about being a tech, if that's the norm.

audio;

[usedlaserbeam]

I'm afraid such feats of flagrant illogic are more common than one might expect — or really, that anyone should be comfortable with — on a daily basis.

audio;

[timelymaid]

Hm. I don't know why I'm bothering to be surprised, thinking about it, but...well. I assume you took care of him?

[newberktown]

[...What.]


And my pokemon are the ones that run away. Yeah, that makes sense.

[usedlaserbeam]

I would assume that you, at least, have never set them on fire.

...Intentionally.

[newberktown]

I would have liked to think that was a safe assumption to make for anyone, really.

[usedlaserbeam]

I'm surprised you've never overheard any such thing, really. Don't you frequently spend time in Pokemon Centers?

[For once that's actually not a slight; Hiccup just has a tendency to post from there, from what Yagyuu remembers.]

Perhaps it's simply something about Goldenrod that draws the...questionable sort, though.

audio;

[impulsives]

...Huh, so they're actually dumb enough to try that. Who knew?

[then again, he had worked a few times in the Center before to know bad shit like this happens randomly.

Not to this extent, though.]

audio;

[usedlaserbeam]

Who knew, indeed. I suppose I should hardly be surprised anymore.

audio;

[impulsives]

Well, in any case, the Oddish is alright now, I presume?

audio;

[usedlaserbeam]

It will be, fortunately. Nurse Joy is seeing to it right now.

[action]

[trickyoutwice]

[So guess who came to visit Yagyuu at work like the good partner he is, because Yagyuu's definition of work means actual work and therefore is guaranteed to be too boring for words. Really, Yagyuu's gonna be grateful to have someone come break up the tedium, right? It's not like Niou's just looking for an excuse to get out of more grunt duties or anything like that, not at all. Okay, maybe a little, but hey, he's a good guy sometimes, too, and if it just happens that making Yagyuu a little less bored makes him a little less bored too, well, that's happy coincidence.

Except apparently today work isn't so tedious, what with the literal flaming Oddish and the world's most fail trainer putting that certain twitch into Yagyuu's eyebrow that's usually reserved for someone insulting Yukimura right before they mysteriously find themselves with a semi-life threatening injury. Really, Niou hadn't thought Yagyuu was such an activist for the critters. Then again, it could just be his allergy to stupidity.

When Yagyuu returns from being responsible, Niou's waiting for him, leaning one elbow against the PokeCenter's counter and all prepared with an insouciant drawl.]

Wow. I had no idea your life was actually playing hero to helpless plants everywhere.

[action]

[usedlaserbeam]

[So guess who's pretty much ready to leap the counter and plant a smooch on that damn smirking mouth out of sheer relief at the sight of oh thank Federer someone sane around here. That's right, it's Yagyuu.

And when Niou is the sane man in the building, well, that gives you an idea of how his day's been going, really.]

It's simply work. People come and go and they never seem to get more intelligent no matter how many days go by.

[trickyoutwice]

[He gives Yagyuu an amused look, like he knows exactly what Yagyuu's thinking — and maybe he does, with exactly how relieved Yagyuu is to see him — and hops up onto the counter to take a seat.]

Poor Yagyuu. Surrounded by idiots everywhere.

[They do seem to flock to him, especially with the way Yagyuu tends to just grin and bear it because of those silly things like propriety and making a good impression. As much as he loves the switch, there are some days when Niou's really glad he's the one of their pair that gets not to give a shit most of the time.]

So, how long you think until that moron tries again and still can't figure out why his houseplant pokemon's looking as bad off as an actual houseplant on fire?

[usedlaserbeam]

Slightly less so, now.

[There is that undeniable faint twitch of social obligation — Get off the counter, Niou-kun, that is not an acceptable place for sitting — but it fades quickly, partly because it'd involve funneling some of his job irritation toward Niou simply because he was an available target, and partly because after the Great Oddish Debacle, ask Yagyuu if he's really got a fuck left to give right now. He'll kick Niou off if Nurse Joy comes around; in the meantime, he's going to allow this.]

And I give it about two days. Two days immediately following his release from prison or the cessation of his community service, that is; I expect the authorities will be pleased for the opportunity to make themselves useful for a change.