031 | Goldenrod City | Audio;

[usedlaserbeam]

[So it was always a given that one day Yagyuu's texting-under-the-counter-while-at-work-to-alleviate-the-boredom habits were going to get him in trouble one day, and apparently that day is today; in his haste to pocket his Gear and address the latest trainer to enter the Goldenrod Pokemon Center and approach the front desk, he accidentally hits the audio record button instead of the power switch.

And thus, the network is treated to the rare opportunity to eavesdrop on precisely the kind of inanity Yagyuu regularly deals with at work.]

Hey, uh...hi. Hi, there.

Hello. Welcome to the Goldenrod Pokemon Center; may I ask how we might assist you today?

Yeah! It's my rare Pokemon. I think there's something wrong with her, 'cause she keeps going out.

...I beg your pardon. Your rare — you mean your Oddish.

Hey, not just any Oddish! She's one of a kind! Uh, when she stays lit.

When she stays...lit.

Right! She's a super rare Grass/Fire type! That's why I think there's something wrong. You know Charmanders will die if their tail flame goes out? I think maybe that's like what's wrong with her, is like...her flame keeps going out, and that's why she looks all. Fainted and stuff. Can you guys help her?

[There is a pronounced, prolonged beat of silence here, during which Yagyuu is probably trying very hard to hold his expression steady.]

...Yes, of course. If you'll oblige me, I'll simply need to ask you a few further questions. It's standard procedure for all arriving cases, you understand. Ah, how precisely did your Oddish come to...be a Grass/Fire type? Did you find her that way, or...?

Oh, no. I did it myself!

You did it yourself.

Yeah, with a lighter. Y'know, 'cause Fire types are on fire. Like a Ponyta, how it's got its mane all on fire, or like a Charizard with its tail on fire, or a Cyndaquil with its back on fire. She's a Grass/Fire type, so I made her leaves on fire.

With a lighter.

Right.

And then it...fainted.

After the flames went out, right.

[Another, far more incredulous beat passes here, because seriously there is not enough WHAT THE HELL in the world.]

...Yes, thank you, that's precisely what I needed to know, I appreciate it.

Great! So can you help her?

Rest assured, you've told me exactly what I needed to hear to ascertain how best to help her. If you'll just be so kind as to have a seat right over there in our waiting room, I'll have Nurse Joy see to your...highly rare Oddish as soon as possible.

Oh, wow! Thanks, man! You got it, I'll be right over here.

[A set of footsteps shuffle across linoleum, and there is a brief whimper of Diiiiish as what is presumably Yagyuu's share of movement begins to rustle fabric near the microphone of the Gear. Shortly thereafter, a sotto voce mutter follows.]

Likewise, I imagine we'll be having Officer Jenny see to you as soon as possible...

[Some more shuffling ensues, and then at last the shifting and movement is enough to jostle the Gear off.]


[OOC: A few notes for this post: Italics are a hapless NPC trainer (or Rocket?), regular text is Yagyuu. He'll be answering replies a little while after this post, since he's understandably busy right now. Also, please note the cut warning! There are no graphic descriptions of anything, but if discussion of and references to an NPC trainer carelessly being an asshole to his Pokemon is discomforting to you, please play it safe and pass this post by! Likewise, if there are serious concerns, please take it up with me by PM and I'll pull the post altogether, no problem.]

Comments

[trickyoutwice]

[He gives Yagyuu an amused look, like he knows exactly what Yagyuu's thinking — and maybe he does, with exactly how relieved Yagyuu is to see him — and hops up onto the counter to take a seat.]

Poor Yagyuu. Surrounded by idiots everywhere.

[They do seem to flock to him, especially with the way Yagyuu tends to just grin and bear it because of those silly things like propriety and making a good impression. As much as he loves the switch, there are some days when Niou's really glad he's the one of their pair that gets not to give a shit most of the time.]

So, how long you think until that moron tries again and still can't figure out why his houseplant pokemon's looking as bad off as an actual houseplant on fire?

[usedlaserbeam]

Slightly less so, now.

[There is that undeniable faint twitch of social obligation — Get off the counter, Niou-kun, that is not an acceptable place for sitting — but it fades quickly, partly because it'd involve funneling some of his job irritation toward Niou simply because he was an available target, and partly because after the Great Oddish Debacle, ask Yagyuu if he's really got a fuck left to give right now. He'll kick Niou off if Nurse Joy comes around; in the meantime, he's going to allow this.]

And I give it about two days. Two days immediately following his release from prison or the cessation of his community service, that is; I expect the authorities will be pleased for the opportunity to make themselves useful for a change.

[trickyoutwice]

So, I should come back with a baseball bat in two days is what you're saying.

[He holds his hands up to his eyes like a domino mask and gives Yagyuu his best serious business look. The effect is ruined somewhat by how his lips keep twitching into a smile; he looks more like an owl or something than the mobster-type character he was going for.]

I hear there's unsavory characters around. It'd be just awful if something happened to him, right?

[usedlaserbeam]

And you intend to defend him from such ruffians? What an altruistic streak you've developed, Niou-kun.

[Which is, to invoke a technical term, complete bullshit; they both know exactly what Niou's implying, and Yagyuu isn't bothering to hide his amusement at it — at least, not in the usual ways that Niou would know how to recognize. The average bystander might interpret it as Yagyuu simply being nice.

The average bystander, poor fool, generally tends to assume that Yagyuu is nice.]

I do wonder what we'll do with his Oddish, though. I suppose we'll have to give it back to him, once his punishment is concluded; it is his, after all.

[And it's not like they know anybody whose job it is to steal Pokemon from unsuspecting trainers, now, do they.]

[trickyoutwice]

What can I say, new world, thought I'd try turning over a new leaf.

[Never mind that he's been generally nastier here than he tends to be at home if only because of his new occupation. He's not that into actually stealing things — too mean, really, especially when it's so much more of a challenge convincing someone else to buy him things — But there's just some guys that deserve a little bad luck coming there way, and even if Niou's mostly joking about taking a bat to the guy's kneecaps a la the mafia's greatest hits, he doesn't mind taking the cue Yagyuu's providing and being a bit more of a bad guy than he usually is.]

And hey, if one of those unsavory characters happened to stop by and notice a poor, helpless houseplant, it's not like you could stop him if he wanted to take it. A thief might be armed and dangerous, you know.

[usedlaserbeam]

There is that. However valiantly I might try to prevent him, in the end there'd be no dissuading him from his goal, I imagine.

[He gives Niou a look like, "right?"]

In circumstances like that, I wonder what might happen to such a poor, helpless houseplant. Given his previous trainer, one might almost wonder if his new living arrangements wouldn't be better than his former ones.

[trickyoutwice]

[Niou's not going to bother being subtle when Yagyuu's the one egging him on, especially when he's getting an expectant look like that. He gives Yagyuu a little salute before he boosts himself over the counter and back into the employee-only section and immediately starts poking around.]

So you got a bag or something around I can cart it home in?

[usedlaserbeam]

In the side closet, second shelf. Look to the right.

[Meanwhile, Yagyuu will just be over here preoccupying himself with establishing an alibi. One of them's got to have one, after all.]

[trickyoutwice]

[After a bit of making a mess out of the neatly organized closet, Niou emergest triumphant— with a bag that something's chewed a hole straight through. Well. Time for another brilliant plan.]

Yeah, you've got a rat problem. Or electric mouse problem. Something like that. So did he leave you the shrub's pokeball?

[But before Yagyuu can aid and abet in a bit more petty theft, the center's doors whoosh open.]